Tarot and Zodiacs

Every place I have been to tells me the same thing.

That this connection was a bad connection and that its not meant to be.

That you are happier without me and that you were dissatisfied in the relationship.

That I put up with everything and I am in turn receiving the consequences of my actions.

Yesterday, the shaman told me that you are sick of me.

You are so sick of me and you want nothing to do with me.

Today the tarot reader told me that it's not a good connection for me.

She said I shouldn't try to keep this relationship and try to get back together.

Do I even want to get back together knowing everything I know now?

She said that you might have been comparing me to someone else through out our relationship.

Were you comparing me to your ex because you still longed for her?

I'm so stupid for being so naively in love.

No matter how pure my intentions were, no matter how true my heart was, it was never going to be enough.

I was never going to be enough for you.

What if I had said yes to an open relationship? What if I had let you sleep with your teacher?

Would you have been satisfied?

But would I have been in turn, destroyed?

Is that what I want? Is that what I want from love?

To be disregarded in every sense, but knowing I have the comfort of having you beside me, even if you were no longer there with me in heart?

I feel so humiliated and embarrassed, and frankly so ashamed of myself for thinking this was love.

I was so desperate to be chosen, I chose this, and I said it was love.

Just because you told me you love me, just because you would whisper to me that you love me.

Those whispers were a lie in my face, and yet I gripped onto that lie for dear life, hoping that you meant it.

I am destroyed. You didn't have to do anything more. You didn't have to say anything more.

If you are happy now, without me, who am I to disturb that peace?

But I want to be selfish and disturb that peace. I wish you weren't happy without me.

I wish I was more than this, I wish I was stronger than this.

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