to you

I wish I had the right words to make you change your mind, for you to desire me the way you did when we first met.
I know nothing I do will ever take me back there because the you that existed in that moment was someone in search of something to take the edge away, not someone who actually desired me as i am.

It almost just kills me to think that it was just so easy for you to take what you want, say what you want, and do what you want without feeling any sort of way, because it was never personal for you. You never loved me the way you said you did. 

The worst thing you did was telling me you love me, when you never had the intention to ever do so. And the worst part of that was that I was so ready to believe you when I had every sign telling me not to believe you. 

I feel so lost, and the fact that I feel so lost because of you makes me feel so lost. 

I don't know what to think about if its not you, and i don't know what to drink if its not to stop thinking about you. Funny thing is that everything I do seems to lead me back to you.

I almost refuse to believe that I can feel all this, all these emotions for us to never become anything. That I'm out here crying my eyes out every day for this to just fizzle out and become a small little might have been.

I feel humiliated and desperate and stupid and ignorant and stubborn and useless and spineless and not even a whole person. Why is it so hard for me to get a grip? Why is it so hard for me to move on? I don't even know whether I even liked her, even though I knew I loved her. Why does that make sense to me and no sense at all?